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Entry #24
Listening: Katzù Oso - Amantes
Entry #24
Watching: Nobody (2021)
Feeling: Tired
Finally recovering from being sick with the help of a full liter of pocari sweat & orange slices. Spent this morning deep cleaning the kitchen and playing on Gaia after :D Yesterday I scanned some of my magazines and watched Godzilla: King of the monsters. I love Godzilla, especially after discovering Biollante.... I need to rewatch Shin Godzilla.
ALSO!!!!! new horse dropped called Red Desire in Uma and shes sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cutieful... LOOK AT HERRRR. No idea when she's coming to the eng game but ah well.... Agnes digital is dropping soon and I can't scout for her since I'm saving for halloween rice shower OTL...................... I have 20k carats saved up atm I BETTER GET RICE!!!!!
Nov. 19th, 2025
Entry #23
Playing: on neocities
Entry #23
Watching: domo kun
Feeling: siiiiiick
Woke up with a nasty cold and had to call off of work. My head feels like a balloon that's about to pop. I hate getting sick, since i had tuberculosis growing up, my lungs already suck. SIGHHH... On the bright side it forces me to slow down and take some time for myself to feel better.
Normally when I'm sick, I rewatch ranma 1/2 or Vinnie-Pukh . Been rewatching domo today but might try good fellas later since my dad was reccommending it to me.. hmm
Don't think I've mentioned it here yet but my step mom got diagnosed with brain cancer and the radiation/recovery isn't going well. Has me thinking about life & death a lot recently, and trying to soak up as much time with my loved ones as I can while I have them. It's hard not to dwell on the inevitable loss that is bound to happen in my future, especially when I already don't speak to my birth mother. All I can do is focus on being present and prioritizing my relationships. Really grateful I had so much fun last night and got some good time with my friends/family. I am really lucky for the people in my life & glad I get to live with someone who is so great.
Nov. 16th, 2025
Entry #22
Playing: Journaling with my friends
Entry #22
Reading: My journal
Feeling: Happy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I helped care for my step mom after work and then went home. Erin slept over and I gave them the dayless midori I had bc I decided I wanted grid instead. I made got7 edits and turned them into stickers for us and my roomie, and we COVERED the table and journaled all night. It was sooo much fun, I can't remember the last time I was this happy. We also took polaroids and I scanned them for us!! You can see them if you click the link above titled 'journaling with my friends'. I think they turned out really cute.
Nov. 15th, 2025
Entry #21
Eating: Frozen yogurt with strawberries
Entry #21
Reading: Umamusume setups
Feeling: Tired
Went out to dinner for my cousins bday and then picked up soju after! It's a new flavor for me and I really like it.
Nov. 12th, 2025
Entry #20
Listening: Ca7riel & Paco Amoroso: Tiny Desk Concert
Entry #20
Watching: boysoverflowers.... its so bad but i can't stop watching
Feeling: vibin'
Looking not buying: beautiful fountain pen
Went to the paradise galleria (image below) in hopes of finding some stationary and they they had a small but cute collection! I got a dayless midori a6 journal and the place offered to stamp the back of our journals with their logo stamp which I found very cute. :) Also visited an italian bakery shop that was really awesome. My roomie & I have been watching old kpop music videos which reminded me of an old show. I couldn't sleep at all last night and ended up rewatching a lot of Boys Over Flowers, which is horrible, but somehow one of my favorites.
Nov. 4th, 2025
Entry #19
Playing: gaiaonline
Entry #19
Browsing: epsy.world
Feeling: :)
Two entries in one day??
I have a lot on my mind today. I've been working with my therapist to give myself more credit for the things I am working hard on, so I think I want to write about that. It makes me uncomfortable to talk about myself in such a light but it shouldn't! I should be proud of the progress I've been making. Something I have been working really hard on is my happiness, because my life quite literally depends on it. I have spent so many years so miserable. What is life if I can't find joy or passion? My friends have a huge part in it too, of course, but I really have put in a lot of effort to change my perspectives and work on what I want and need in life. It has taken a lot of effort to be happy.. it's not easy for me, but I need to tell myself I am worth the effort. Getting to know myself better, journalling, having creative projects and working on prioritizing the things that emotionally recharge me even when I am worn down. Learning to notice what habits I have that bring me down, (eg; doom scrolling) and being tough on myself to change it. Cutting out IG and FB has been so helpful, I think tiktok will be next. My screen time has gone down SO MUCH and its awesome.
I find it interesting that after so many years spent miserable and feeling doomed, I can still move forward to create a better life for myself. Love is not a word, but an action. I spent to long listening to peoples words and ignoring the harmful actions, that love in my mind became twisted. Learning what love really is and how to show up for myself has changed things dramatically. Trying to focus on the positives and what I have rather than harp on the negatives or what I lack, & learning I deserve good things in my life.
Working on this journal, playing on gaiaonline again, prioritizing friendships and telling people I love them, have all been a huge help in bringing my joy back. A lot of people in my life aren't so direct about love, but I am, and I think having someone like that helps open up doors to be more loving to one another. My perspective on love has changed so much since my life has shifted and also after reading the Bell Hooks book. My life is abundant where I create love for both others and myself. It's really nice to get to know myself and become my own friend for once. I want to always feel lucky and grateful for my life.
Nov. 2nd, 2025
Entry #18
Playing: nothin today, maybe umamusume later..
Entry #18
Reading: about intristic value
Feeling: Happy
Day after our halloween party, I woke up and made a homemade cookie butter latte with cold foam. So happy to have the day off to clean up & relax.. This week has been a whirlwind but once again I am left feeling full of warmth and joy from my friends. Yesterday was a lot of fun, & I finally have recent pictures of us all! We have been friends for 15+ years and somehow had no real recent pictures together lol.
Also I got these sweaters on clearance for $1.... they're all really soft and cute, but my favorite is the one below with teddy bears on it. I don't typically wear light colors but I really like it & need to branch out!
Nov. 2nd, 2025
Entry #17
Playing: With my friendsReading: nothin today!
Feeling: Joyful
Today is the day of our Halloween party! We made chicken tacos, had a mini 'make your own spell jar' set up, and did a monster (MILF) tier list we made. We took polaroids and pictures too, which is awesome because I haven't dressed up or taken photos in a minute. I love spending time with my friends and feel really grateful.
Maryssa was Kiki (Kikis Delivery Service) and I was the pet cat lol. Probably one of my most tame costumes ever, but I didn't have time for my noface idea like I wanted. Carly and Nick were mothman and a lamp, and Erin was bob ross!!
Nov. 1st, 2025
Entry #16
Watching: thisReading: Not a book or anything but saw a quote in a collage today that said "Stop booing yourself off stage before anyone has had the chance to see you preform."
Feeling: Thoughtful
Finished my goodie bags for my halloween party with friends this weekend, and put little name plates on them. They include stickers, stamps, candy, temporary tattoos, & little fidget games. We're also planning on maybe doing spells together and doing a taco bar! I'm really excited to spend some time and play dress up with my friends. One of my friends is working on a monster teir list to rank together, too!
beautiful little goldship plushie.......
Oct. 29th, 2025
Entry #15
Watching: Vanillamace on twitchBrowsing: Oopsiedoodle's website
Feeling: Content
Finally finished decorating my 2026 weeks this week after spending a few days playing stickers with my awesome roommate. I think it turned out really cute! Sesshomaru sticker by @itspcurly and a lot of others by @rinihimme on ig! Kinky sticker was one I made from a PNG of a vintage button pin. Cute animal stickers by globlin bby on etsy, lizard sticker by allisonstoiser.com. I think that's all the ones I have credits for. Very excited to try out the weeks this upcoming year, going to be looking into subjects for a commonplace journal as well, I finally get to use this other 90 cent notebook I stickered the entire cover of.
Also, everyone should click this to see something beautiful.
Oct. 27th, 2025
Entry #14
Playing: with my journalllllReading: MY WEEKS!
Feeling: YIPPPEEEE!!!!
MY HOBONICHI WEEKS CAME IN!!!! I got the melon sorbet color and a bunch of stickers to go with it... I am really excited to be trying out the weeks for 2026, I used the cousin (A6) for 2025 and I think daily is a bit too much for me. Sometimes I am great with it, but if I am busy or sad I tend to neglect it for a week or... a month even. It's hard backlogging that much time. Weeks is a lot less room to use up, and will help me with basic planning. Thinking of getting a midori a6 that is day-free so I can just use it when I have the energy to journal about something specific. Plus, I have this page now too. My friend got the same weeks as I did and we are doing some really cute color schemes with them, I can't wait to see how we both decorate them. I love having something to look forward to in the upcoming year!
Oct. 22nd, 2025
Entry #13
Playing: BG3Reading: n/a
Feeling: tired
zzzZZZZZzzzzz...
Oct. 21. 2025
Entry #12
Listening to: A Bit Fruity podcastReading: all about love by bell hooks
Feeling: content
Visited my dad & step mom afterwork and afterwards there was a hawk on my balcony!
Oct. 20th, 2025
Entry #11
Playing: BG3Reading: Build your own 'slay the dragon' chore chart
Feeling: Happy
My roommate made strawberry cream cheese stuffed french toast for breakfast... it was incredible. Missed my friends so I called all of them on a Sunday night and asked to go out and get dessert together. We laughed a lot and talked about starting a commune together someday. I hope it happens!
I also sent out some happy mail to friends!
Oct. 19th, 2025
Entry #10
Playing: PeakReading: all about love by bell hooks
Feeling: thoughtful
I'm not religious but I saw this image and it really spoke to my heart. Trying to make a habit of really taking a moment to soak in quotes that move something within me, this is one of them.
Oct. 15th, 2025
Entry #9
Listening to: Mutt by Leon ThomasReading: All about love by bell hooks
Feeling: Grateful
Went on a beautiful walk with my roommate, afterwards I cold called my other friend and got her to hang out with us while we baked.
I've been thinking a lot about gender and what it means to me lately. I feel like I have put off exploring my identity/expression solely because I don't want to have to deal with other peoples reactions, good or bad. I've been putting it off for years, but lately I am realizing how unfair that is to me. It would be worth the effort, I think.
Oct. 12th, 2025
Entry #8
Listening to: Coheed & CambriaPlaying: Off-brand DDR at the arcade bar
Feeling: Happy
Been feeling a bit agoraphobic again lately, I had plans to go out with my friends and almost cancelled 3 different times that day. I am SO glad I didn't! We went to an arcade bar that luckily wasn't crowded at all, they had THC drinks, too~ We got steamed buns after and were home by 9:30 to bake cookies and watch twilight. I love my friends.
Oct. 11th, 2025
Entry #7
Listening to: lofi jazz autumn sounds on youtubeReading: all about love by bell hooks
Feeling: zzZZZZzzzz...
watched the sunrise while reading
Oct. 9th, 2025
Entry #6
Playing: Baldurs Gate 3Reading: n/a
Feeling: Loved
Went to a twilight themed halloween market with 3 of my friends and got a shirt that says 'I Jest'
Oct. 4th, 2025
Entry #5
Playing: PeakReading: n/a
Feeling: Awesome
Got a dragon ice cream cake for DND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oct. 2nd, 2025
Entry #4
Playing: UmaMusumeReading: n/a
Feeling: What da
Giant zucchini
Sep. 30, 2025
Entry #3
Today Maryssa and I went to Shibam coffee (had the best shaken espresso ever from there) & then Paris Baguette after! I got salted rolls for future dinners, a curry bun, a mini lemon strawberry croissant, & a fig and goat cheese thing. (i forgot the name)
I deleted IG & FB about a week ago now and feel a lot better. I'm still on my phone more than I'd like, but a big upgrade from before. I was scared that I was going to be more disconnected from my friends, since most of my contact was through instagram, but my interactions via text, discord call, etc are proving to feel much more intentional. I've noticed my anxiety has gone down a bit, though my sleep is still terrible. Baby step, though! Any improvement is a step closer to where I want to be, and I feel confident that I'm on the right track so far. It feels good to grow and care for myself, my self-worth is slowly improving along with it. This could not have happened without the change in my environments, it is so nice to live with a roommate who is kind and patient. I truly feel cared about by the people around me, something I didn't have before, and I am very grateful for the friends in my life < 3
Sept. 29, 2025
Entry #2
Listening to: GorillazReading: Let the record show by Sarah Schulman
Feeling: Content
Between the lack of attention span, politics, & overall devastation on the internet, I have realized it is doing me more harm than good. I am thinking of switching to a flip phone so I can be more present, but I know if I dont eas into it that I will probably just give up. Starting with babysteps, I deleted IG & FB off of my phone and feel better already. Maybe a bit out of the loop now, but I think I will learn to become comfortable with the boredom and fear of missing out. I hope the boredom leads me to more creative joys and real connections with the world around me again.. I can always access the internet via my PC instead, but everyone having immediate access to me (and vice versa) isn't very sustainable I feel like. Spent the last few days off my phone and writing lists of what goals and habits I want in my life, and how to get there realistically. Lists of books I want to read, art projects I want to work on, and things I want to learn. One of the things I want to learn is HTML coding,my knowledge is limited to being on myspace in middle school, lol. Taking templates and editing them, like i've been doing for this website. I hope to learn more and get better at it so I have more creative control over how things look on here!
Sept. 28, 2025
First Entry
Listening to: The sounds of rainReading: Let the record show by Sarah Schulman
Feeling: Thoughtful
This has been a very rough year, but all for the best. I got out of a 4 year relationship that wasn't good for me all while also getting laid off from a job that made me miserable. While dealing with health issues, too. Spent the last 2-3 years crying nearly daily and struggling to find hope. Both took a huge toll on my self-worth to the point where I thought I deserved to be miserable. Life, luckily, had other plans. It was the hardest time in my adult life but the best changes that could have possibly happened. I am now on a discovery of myself and what brings me real happiness, focusing on my goals and things I want to learn. This is the longest time in my adult life that I have been consistently joyful, and it feels amazing!! I want to use this as a place to document my thoughts and ideas, and as a creative outlet. No one will probably ever read this so I don't really care!
Sept. 28, 2025